okay so this is how it went down.  me and the crew, right?  you know the crew, the usual gang: buttercup, darling, me (i'm lou-lou) and the joho.  we were all just sitting around at shari's which is the hip place to be after eleven when everything else is closed and you can spend an hour driving around, trying to find a simple movie.  the previous weekend...not weekend, night.  the days all blur together now, right?  so the previous night we had spent the whole time trying to buy this movie which we did end up finding but it took many tries of closed stores.  "it's the ALL AMERICAN stOre!" darling kept reassuring us about wal-mart, "it hAAAs to be Open!"  when we got there it was so totally closed.  with a rock next to the glass door.  not a little rock, a huge one, one that you have no idea why it's around.  anyway we felt like throwing the rock through the door because what the fuck, they're asking for it but we ended up just flipping the dark building the bird and driving to safeway which was still open although empty which i think totally makes safeway cooler in my book.  and shari's is cool too.  and that's why we were there.  just sitting around in our booth with the red, sticky cushions that you never know how often they wipe down with those germ infested rags that probably don't do any good anyway, hanging out.  we were mainly talking about how the joho had gotten sex tips from me and the joho's boyfriend had gotten sex tips from darling and so it was like me and darling were having sex every time they screw.  which made us all a little uncomfortable because darling is trying to pursue buttercup and not me.  which is fine by me, kissing darling would be weird.  actually it was weird.  we played spin-the-bottle once and i did and it was weird.  so we were all weirded out but we were also laughing because the joho and her boyfriend, bippo, make a really funny couple.  he's one of those brains and no beauty types that darling makes fun of by pushing up his glasses and talking in a nasally voice.  but don't get me wrong we all love bippo in that dorky friend kind of way.  i swear to God though we were totally not being obnoxious at all we were just sitting there having a nice conversation quietly.  and darling started telling us about the stereotypical types of people that come into his work.  this black lady with hoop earrings called him fine and was all "DAAAMN! yougottalotta flAvAs, BOy."  and he was all "YEAH.  THIRTY-ONE."  because he works at thirty-one flavors, at least that's what we call it sometimes because it's common knowledge that they have 31 flavors.  it fucking says it on the sign.  so we all laughed, quietly though, not obnoxious.  "I wAN somCHOCLAt," darling tells us she said "I wAN somethin CHOCLAt."  "don you think you ave enough chocolate as it is?"  "WHAAT ID YOU SAY TO ME BOy?"  "nothing."  "yEAH AT'S WHAT I THOUGHT."  now to be honest darling probably didn't saying anything like that, he just likes to tell us he did.  useful exaggeration.  makes him a better friend.  more amusing.  in any case, we were all just kinda sitting around, right?  talking and shit.  our waitress came and took our order.  the joho and me shared a chocolate sundae, darling got fries, and buttercup a strawberry milkshake.  with no whipped cream.  and i don't see how that wasn't a turn off for darling but he didn't say anything.  the waitress did though.  "ats's da bes par!"  she exclaimed in a really tired sort of way like she had been working all day and prior to that had been screwed over by her boyfriend and her secret lover and the guy who sold her pills on the street.  she really looked tired.  we even felt bad.  bad enough to no condemn her to the fiery pits of hell even though she took forty minutes to bring us our food.  if you could call it food.  it was more like our snacks.  desserts except for for darling.  but that's beside the point.  the point is we were all sitting there being not obnoxious (like we sometimes can be, like during that one movie where that lady behind us told us to shut up or like in english class where our teacher is totally whipped by the students.)  when all the sudden whoever was sitting in the booth behind us randomly rammed into the back of their seat, jolting buttercup and darling like no tomorrow.  we all raised our eyebrows at each other like saying "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?! QUESTALATION MOINT?!"  a faint voice drifted over the chair to us.  "I'VE GOTTA BAD BACK!" he said, all scratchy and old man like.  darling looked at buttercup, "he's gotta bad back, we ave to be careful," he whispered to her.  and they were.  i mean, there was a hint of sarcasm in his voice but not enough to be concerned over and Goddamnit they were careful after that i swear i swear i swear.  and like i said, we weren't even really that hyper, and we were hardly on any drugs at all.  so we went back to our conversation:
"sOOOoo what... hAppened last night?"  "euzlike iiI'm cOOl aniuzlike iiI'm UpsEt An euzlike iiI'm nOt anymore AAANd  iuzlike yOu're the One oo shOuld be upset aneuzlike I gOt OOver it aniuzlike I dOn't thInk YOU DID anheuzlike WHATEVA aniuzlike okAy aneuzlike okAy AAANd theeeeeeen WEMADEOUTINMYCAR.  it was a perdUctive Evening."  "sOOO gOOd!"  "YOU KNOW It."  "iiiII'm still crEEped out that it's like mAkin' Out with lOu-lOu."  "yaAh me TOO."  "jusalilbit."  "Buttercup, you look like a hooker in those boots."  "thAt was the pOInt, lou-lou."  "jus pOInting it Out."  "I'm still laughing about that black lady."  "I'm still laughing that lou-lou called you ugly."  "IT CAME OUT WRONG!"  "i HAAte you!"  "don't hate her, hate black people."  "I wOnder if pEople thInk wE're Actually rAcist."  "i think it's pretty Obvious wE're jOking."  "i think it's pretty obvious yer mom."  "whAt about my mom?"  "shE's pretty Obvious Apparently."  "apparently."
it was an ordinary conversation really.  and we were being calm, i swear i swear i swear.  but still that fucking guy found it necessary to ram into the back of their seat again.  we gave each other the QUESTILATION MOINT?! faces again but then went on to continue talking.  and I mean, at one point, yeah, darling got up to go to the bathroom because he fucking had to go to the bathroom but that was the extent of the movement over in their seat.  so you can understand why it was highly unnecessary to yell at us later which is what the guy ended up doing when he and his wife got up to leave and we saw that he looked like a middle aged hit man with weird orange tinted glasses.  "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU KIDS!" he said, "I TELL YA I GOTTA BAD BACK AND YOU'RE FLOPPIN' ALL OVER THE PLACE!"  "dUde, we're sorry," darling told him, "but we rEAlly weRe tRying nOt to mOve.  I gOt up to gO to the bAthroom once but thAt wAs All!"  The guy started flipping out and yelled back that he didn't believe we weren't doing it on purpose and we were rude.  "you dOn't ave to be such a jAckAss about it!" darling told him.  after that comment we all thought we were going to end up in the parking lot trying to keep the guy from killing darling.  but the guy just yelled some more and stormed off in anger.  "fUck Off," darling said to him as he walked away.  this caused him to double back.  "WHATID YOU SAY TO ME?!" he yelled.  darling remained perfectly calm despite the fact that the guy had begun to issue death threats.  "dOn't thrEaten mE," he said, "I'm a mInor."  There was more yelling, "IDON'T IVEADAMN WHETHER YOU'RE A MINOR OR NOT, YOU'RE RUDE."  "YEAH," darling said, "I AM."  Of course darling's rude, he's wearing converse and rolled up jeans.  what the fuck did you expect?! (quesilation moint face).  The guy stormed off in anger for the second time after that comment and we all looked at each other funny then started laughing really hard.  there's always the most interesting people at shari's late at night.  it's never empty like safeway, either, there's always people and they're always the kinda trashy kind that you never knew existed in your city until you go somewhere late at night.  or behind fred meyers.  at any time of the day, really.  that's where the trashy kids have sex.  speaking of sex, it was sex we decided that the fucking guy hadn't been getting.